


Poetry Written in the Stars

by hetapastel (BringMeThePhan)



Series: Nedden Week 2017 [6]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: College AU, Fluff, M/M, a teeny bit of angst?, its not a whole lot though if any
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 05:03:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13240995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BringMeThePhan/pseuds/hetapastel
Summary: Lars has had a crush on Mathias for god know how long, but Mathias is completely oblivious. Until one night, when Lars loses himself with Mathias and a couple of drinks. Things seem like they're fixing themselves back to normal, but is that really for the better?





	Poetry Written in the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really excited about this one. It's the one I like the most of all seven oneshots I wrote for nedden week, so I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it!!

This was all a game to him, he decided. It  _ had _ to be, or else why would Mathias, his best friend for as long as he could remember, be doing this to him? This was torture in every form. Okay, so maybe if Lars was honest with himself, he'd realize he was being dramatic. Maybe he should start from the beginning of his woes.

 

Lars had always been friends with Mathias as long as he could remember (or as long that mattered), and as such they did everything together. It came as no surprise that when they started looking at college, they went together and were roommates. All of this seemed completely normal for the two of them. Lars didn't even realize it until it was too late, and the realization hit like a shotgun blow to the chest.  _ He had fallen for his best friend _ . And there was no hope for him getting over it any time soon, especially with how often he stole glances of Mathias when he wasn't looking. Mathias, with his bright eyes always holding a smile even when he was down, well-toned body that constantly left him wondering what his embrace felt like non-platonic, often-concealed freckles that dusted his rosy cheeks like golden stars in a pink sky, and his constantly cheerful and happy-go-lucky attitude that left a smile on most everyone’s face after just a few minutes of talking with the guy. No, it was hopeless- Lars was in too deep,  _ way _ too deep.

 

Back to why Lars had started contemplating his crush was, of course, Mathias. Lying on top of him on the couch in their dorm. He didn't even announce what he was doing so Lars had time to mentally prepare. He was fighting the prickling on his skin where Mathias’ touched his like an unbearable itch begging to be scratched, trying to hide the fire he felt beneath. The urge to both move closer and fling himself far away, possibly into the sun to burn up and forget he ever suffered like this in the first place, was so strong in fact he didn't even hear what Mathias was saying to him. He heard his voice, sure, but the words he said fell on deaf (or at least distracted from all the ringing) ears.

 “Hey, earth to Lars,” Mathias finally said, waving a hand in front of his friend’s face. He looked over at Lars with worry.  _ What was that face for? _ Lars thought.

 “What?” He finally said. Mathias chuckled.

 “I said you look a bit tense, and should probably get out for a while. We both could do with a break.” Lars nodded. He wasn't so sure about that, but what the hell? A night out with Mathias was a night out with Mathias. Besides, he  _ offered. _ It was stupid for Lars to make anything special of it in his head, but he couldn't really help it. He finally put all his thoughts into an answer for Mathias: a weak shrug while putting his textbook aside.

 “Sure. Where were you thinking?” Mathias grinned.

 “I have a few ideas, so take your pick. There's that cafe down the road, the one with the  _ really  _ good coffee-- they have a poetry thing tonight, the club where we saw your sister working one time, and-- shit, I don't know, the roof. Or something. We just need to get out of here for a while!” Lars nodded, thinking it over before another shrug.

 “Probably the cafe. Wherever you want I'm good with, though.” Lars enjoyed the club, but he didn't feel like going tonight. He wasn't much of a dancer without some other influence like a that of a couple drinks, either. Mathias was understanding enough, and decided on sneaking some beer and hard alcohol to the roof of their building with some snacks.

 “It's such a nice night out, too!” Mathias shouted excitedly, carrying the booze and snacks, while Lars held a couple blankets and throw pillows so they would be comfortable. He shrugged while setting the pillows down by where Mathias sat. It was a nice night, but he wasn't too concerned about the weather.

 “Seems pretty nice,” he said while passing a blanket to Mathias. Mathias grinned while passing Lars a shot glass.

 “Wanna play a game? I got good stuff for it, too!” He held up a bottle in his other hand. Lars studied the bottle before nodding, holding his shot glass steady while Mathias poured some cheap whiskey into it.

 “What kind of game?” Mathias shrugged, but the going in his eyes showed that he definitely did know.

 “I dunno, try an’ outdrink each other?” Lars scoffed. There was no way either of them wanted to do that again. They were both big guys with high alcohol tolerance, so drinking each other under the table was a challenging feat. And an expensive one. Lars swirled his glass around, watching the amber liquid move about.

 “I doubt you want to do that again. What do you have planned?” Another shrug from Mathias before he downed his shot in a swift movement.

 “I don't know if you'll be up for it. It's kind of…odd.” Lars looked over curiously. Since when was Mathias concerned with been seen as ‘odd?’ As long as he knew him, he was always fearless in whatever he said or did, at times to a flaw. He shrugged while following suit and gulping down his shot without flinching.

 “I don't see a problem with something being ‘odd.’ What is it?” Mathias smiled weakly while looking up at the sky.

 “You know the stars? Let's make stories about them. We each get points for how entertaining, or creative, or just how much we like the story.” Lars was taken aback. That was awfully poetic of Mathias to want to do. Not that he couldn't. He had a knack for making up stories. 

 “There already are stories about the constellations. The mythologies about them,” he said, waving his hand dismissively at the sky.

 “Well, who’s to say we can't make our own? Those stories didn't always exist. C’mon it'll be fun! Especially when we get  _ really _ drunk.” He started pouring another round of shots for the two of them.

 “So, how do we do that? Get drunk, I mean. Loser takes a shot?” Mathias shrugged.

 “How about after each story?” Lars nodded.

 “Alright.”

 “Wanna go first?” Lars nodded again, looking up at the sky. One advantage to their school was that it was near the city, but not in it. Light pollution wasn't something that they had to worry about. He gazed at the stars, fixating on a few that formed a small shape like a hexagon.

 “Okay. You see those stars, right there?” He asked while tracing the shape out for Mathias to see. “They form a honeycomb.”

 “Okay, what about it? Why a honeycomb?” Lars shrugged.

 “It… stems from people eating them, trying to receive divine knowledge?” Mathias shrugged.

 “Works for me. Anything else? ‘Cause that's not much of a story,” He chuckled, handing the shot over to Lars.

 “Well, it's because bees.” He said before downing the shot. He didn't accept the defeat he felt though, and thought of how to continue his idea.

 “‘Bees.’”

 “Yeah, bees. They're all over the place, and they take pollen from flowers. Maybe when they do that, they hold messages of the future hidden in nature.” Mathias nodded.

 “I like it! Okay, my turn. Hmm…” he trailed on, looking at the sky. He gestured towards a patch of stars above Lars’ head in the shape of a circle.

 “That's the celestial halo. A long time ago, the people alive then chose a person in the future to be blessed as an angel, but still be human.” Lars was  _ floored _ by Mathias’ story. He was always amazed by how quick the other could fabricate stories, even if they were something to get them out of trouble.

 “Yeah? So why is the halo there, then?”

 “It's a reminder. Like, it's the symbol of the promise between the people and the angels that one of their own should join humanity.” Lars sighed out a laugh.

 “Shit, I can't top that!” Mathias laughed along after taking his shot.

 “Try it! You don't give yourself enough credit.” Lars breathed out heavily while looking up at the sky again.

 “Okay… Well, that’s the tree. The tree of… life?”

 “There's already one of those!” Mathias said.

 “This one's different. That one has the different realms with life, while this one is the giver of life. The original people came from it, and travelled from it to the different parts of the world. Without humans there tending the tree, it died. When the skeleton was found by the great creator, he placed it in the sky while lamenting the human’s negligence.” Mathias nodded.

 “See? You are good at this!” Lars playfully shoved him, waving his hand dismissively.

 “Go ahead, it's your turn.” He noticed Mathias giving him the same look as earlier out of the corner of his eye, that look of worry. He shrugged it off while he felt the buzz of alcohol kick in with his shot and listened to Mathias speak.

 “That little bunch of stars, that make a little cluster, are a rose. Some roses mean love of various forms, so that was placed there after the tree died. It was the last thing the great creator did before he abandoned us here, reminded us to always love.” Lars wanted to bang his head into something. What was Mathias trying to say? He did love, he loved  _ him _ ! And the whole thing about an angel, what the hell!? This must just be another move in his game, nothing more. He huffed while looking over at Mathias as he took his shot.

 “You just added on to mine.”

 “I can do that, can't I? All of life connects!” He replied gleefully, the alcohol finally starting to kick in for both of them.

 “Well, I mean… I guess. Go on, it's your turn.” Mathias started laughing.

 “No it's not, I just went! Stop being insecure about this, you're plenty good!”

 “So?” Lars looked over amused.

 “So, go! Make a story! Tell me what you think  _ really _ lies in the stars! ‘Cause I don't think I could believe in that phony bullshit about heroes and gods any longer.” Lars nodded, looking up at the hazy mass of stars.

 “Well those ones, they're--fuck, I don't know, they're a pipe. Like an old-timey pipe. One of those gods everyone talks about visited here for a while, and took a pipe back with them. ‘Cause they  _ really _ liked what we smoked at the time.” 

 “But why keep it?” Mathias asked. Lars thought about it, thinking of some random objects he had kept over the years.

 “The memories. The long nights he spent smoking his thoughts of life away. The smokes that brought his mind out of a fog after being with countless women. Just, whatever he thought of when he saw it. Sentimental value, y’know.” He knocked his shot back, ignoring Mathias’ gaze on him.

 “Do you have anything like that? Anything you've kept for sentimental value?” Lars shrugged.

 “Everyone has something like that, don't they?”

 “I don't,” Mathias said with a grin before drinking another shot. “It takes too much room to keep up with that.” Lars scoffed. He found that hard to believe.

 “No pictures, no… no little trinkets? Nothing?”

 “Nothing. Well, I take that back-- there is one thing. If I lost it, I’d die.”

 “What is it?”

 “Hey, you didn't tell me yours! I don't gotta tell you mine.” Mathias said defensively, but with an air of joking all the while.

 “I'll tell you mine, if you tell me yours.” Lars  _ really _ wanted to know what it was that Mathias held so close. And he didn't know why. Mathias shrugged before lying across Lars’ lap, resting his head against his chest.

 “I don't know… why you wanna know so bad?” Lars shrugged.

 “Why do you wanna know what mine is?” Mathias chuckled, poking Lars’ nose.

 “Touche. I dunno, jus’ feel like it. What about you?”

 “Because I just do,” he said while looking out at the stars still. “You never took your turn this last round, you know.” Mathias sat up and smiled at him.

 “Nah, I got something else in mind now.” He grabbed another bottle, this one of a much stronger alcohol, and filled each of their glasses with it.

 “How much did you bring up here? Lars asked curiously?” Mathias shrugged. 

 “Enough, I suppose. Wanna go first?” He said while handing Lars the shot eagerly.

 “Are we doing a different game now?” Mathias chuckled.

 “Sure, it's called ‘sample the hard liquor I lifted from a frat house last week.’ I think one of those rich guys had their parents get it from out of the country,” he said while smelling the liquid mysteriously. “It's green. Doesn't seem,minty though.” Lars took a closer look at his shot.

 “Hey, this is absinthe. They really had absinthe there?” 

 “Yep, sure did. I went to go see Alfred, but he was totally hammered, as was the rest of them. I figured they wouldn't miss it.” He downed the shot before grimacing.

 “You didn't bring anything to dilute it, did you?” Lars asked while laughing softly. Mathias shook his head.

 “Oh man, I should've… hey, give yours a try,” he said. Lars flinched while drinking his shot, putting the glass down clumsily.

 “We should be done after that… Wow, holy shit! That really hits you hard,” He said while laughing along with Mathias.

 “I fucked up! I should've brought some water! Or something!” Lars sighed happily while resting on Mathias.

 “You really did. We're gonna feel so shitty tomorrow,” he said with a chuckle.

 “Why wait for tomorrow!? Let's do something stupid now!” Mathias said while standing and running towards the edge of the roof in a zigzag.

 “No, Mathias!” Lars said and went after him after getting up from where he fell when Mathias moved.

 “C’mon, Lars! What have you always wanted to do, but never wanted to worry about the consequences for?” Lara sighed, staring down at the ground.

 “A couple things… I always wanted to know what it feels like to fly,” he shrugged, staring back at Mathias. He could feel himself moving closer and  _ nononono, that wasn't supposed to happen! _ A very small part of his mind was sober, and was fighting his every movement. But he just didn't care. He wanted--no,  _ needed--  _ Mathias to be his, and to be Mathias’. He felt that small bit of clear-headedness slip away with each movement closer to Mathias.

 “Yeah? How would you wanna go about that? Trampoline? Air tunnel? Bungee jump--” Mathias was cut off when Lars grabbed him forcefully and kissed him. He pulled away as quickly as he pushed himself on him, guilt curling its sharp tendrils in his stomach.

 “Find my way on to cloud nine?” He added weakly, trying to cover up what he had done as something he didn't mean. Mathias chuckled and pulled him closer, leaning away from the edge of the ledge he was standing on.

 “Well, then why stop there? I could give you  _ way more _ than just a kiss. Make you feel like you're above  _ any _ cloud, y’know?” His fingers trailed down Lars’ chest before gripping the fabric of his shirt tight and pulling him closer into another rough kiss. Lars rested his arms on Mathias’ shoulders, weaving his fingers through his hair.

 “Let's not do this here,” he breathed out against his lips, looking down from where they stood on the ledge. Mathias nodded.

 “Back to our dorm, then?” Lars nodded, already starting to grab their things. Mathias followed him while stumbling along to their room.

 

Lars woke up early the next morning with what felt like the worst headache he ever had. He groaned while stretching, swearing to himself to never have absinthe again (he probably would again, just diluted). He went got up, noticing an arm slide off his chest-- Mathias’ arm. He immediately became more alert and jumped out of the bed. He realized he didn't have any of his clothes on and ran out before the other man in the room could wake up, pulling his jeans off the floor and on himself somehow without tripping. What the hell had he done!? The last thing he remembered clearly was standing with Mathias on the ledge of the roof, looking down at the ground below. He looked at the time while burying himself in his own bed and sighed in relief-- he had a class soon. That gave him plenty of chance to leave without having to face Mathias, and a good couple hours of avoiding him. He pulled himself together after a few minutes of wallowing in his own pity and got ready for his class and left without waking Mathias, leaving a bottle of water and painkillers on the nightstand by his bed for when Mathias woke up. Lucky bastard didn't have any classes until the evening on Mondays.

 

Lars was sitting in his last class for the day when he inevitably thought of Mathias again. He had done really good to avoid any thoughts of him, even as some of his memory of last night came back to him. But now he couldn't help it, it was math. Everybody gets bored and lets their mind wander in math. His major didn't even involve math, but it was still required. He sighed and pulled out a small notebook he kept on him at all times. Most of the pages were filled with random drabbles and doodles, anything he could think of to fill both the small moleskin and time in cases like this. He found a blank page and started writing the first thoughts in his mind.

_ ‘Oh you, who placed the meaning behind the stars, _

_  And refuses to believe in the gods, _

_ Stars shine on your cheeks and in your eyes, _

_ With special beauty of your  _ _ sighs. _

_  ‘Your words feel like lies, and yet, _

_  You placed them in the skies. _

_  Your halo is stuck in the abyss, _

_  But still you miss, _

_  That you are my one object of everlasting value.’ _

He closed the journal as the bell rang and gathered his things before walking back to his dorm, building up courage to face Mathias once the other came back from getting lunch for them, per their usual habits. He hoped to god he didn't remember.

 

“Hey, Lars! I'm surprised you pulled through to make it to your classes!” Mathias greeted while bringing in food from the cafeteria. It wasn't great, but it was better than nothing.

 “I'm guessing your hangover isn't treating you well?” Lars asked while writing in his journal again. He set it aside after finishing a line and grabbing a small bag of chips and a sandwich from Mathias. Mathias chuckled while plopping next to him on the couch.

 “God, no! My headache isn't so bad now--thanks for leaving the pain meds out, by the way--, but I still can't remember shit from last night. That absinthe is strong stuff!” He said while opening his chips. Lars breathed an internal sigh of relief. He didn't know! He may still yet be able to keep his crush secret!

 “Me either. Next time you bring a random bottle with us, you better check it before giving me some.” Mathias laughed.

 “I will, I will! Geez, I thought you liked weird stuff like that.” Lars scoffed.

 “I don't like ‘weird stuff,’ everything I like is completely normal. You, however, like some weird shit.”

 “Oh yeah? Like what?” Lars shrugged.

 “I don't know, you just do.”

 “That's not a good enough argument though,” Mathias said. “Come on, if you're gonna say something, you gotta back it up.” He scooted closer to Lars, turning on his side to face him.

 “Well, I don't know anything to say off the top of my head.” He shifted away slightly, trying not to be noticed (and to avoid a repeat of last night if his memory served him right), and continued eating his food.

 “Come  _ on, _ you can think of something! I know you can!” Mathias said laughing, moving even closer, starting to poke Lars until he got an answer.

 “I don't know--ugh,  _ fine.  _ That smoothie you got a while back. The one that tasted like lawn clippings,” He said while moving away again.

 “How do you even know what lawn clippings taste like? Besides, that was  _ good _ ! It was kale and apples!”

 “Exactly, why kale?” Mathias scoffed.

 “Like you're one to talk, yours had beets.  _ Beets! _ Now  _ that _ , that is  _ weird _ !” Mathias moved closer, but this time, Lars had nowhere to go, as he was resting against the arm of the sofa.

 “There's nothing wrong with beets,” he defended.

 “Just like there's nothing wrong with kale. Both are healthy.”

 “Exactly! And besides, adding something like that to a fruit smoothie makes it interesting.”

 “Yeah it does!” Mathias agreed, leaning into Lars’ side. He looked over and grabbed Lars’ notebook. “Hey, what's this? Homework?” Lars snatched it away quickly, stuffing it carefully into his backpack before tossing the bag aside.

 “Oh--um… yeah. Yeah, it's for a project in creative writing.” Mathias smiled over, wiggling his eyebrows.

 “Ooh, you keeping a diary? What's it for?” He said, reaching across Lars to try and grab the journal from his bag. Lars pushed him back and put the backpack further out of his reach.

 “It's for a class.” Mathias nodded, holding his hands up in surrender.

 “Alright, alright. No need to be defensive, you're in good company,” he looked over with a smile. Lars rolled his eyes while pushing him away again, much more playfully this time.

 “You dork, I wasn't being defensive.”

 “ _ Right, _ sure you weren't!” Mathias added a wink at the end. “So, what's the assignment for that? Just filling it up?” Lars nodded.

 “Yeah… Yeah, it's just filling the journal up. With any of our thoughts,” he added with a shrug. “I guess it's to refer back to in case we're stumped in class.” Mathias nodded.

 “Well, can I see something from it?” Lars felt as if he was spinning and his ears were ringing. He couldn't let him see that! It was  _ personal, _ not to mention all about him!

 “Uh, sure.” He grabbed the notebook and started flipping frantically, trying to find something he had written that seemed open to interpretation. Mathias reached over and grabbed the journal and flipped through, flipping around until he found something that caught his eye. Lars sat there nervously, watching Mathias’ every move. He was thankful in that moment that even though he had written about Mathias, he never wrote his name. Mathias chuckled before flipping through some other pages before handing the journal back.

 “ _ Man,” _ He started, continuing to chuckle while Lars grabbed the journal.

 “What?” Why was Mathias laughing? He thought it was pathetic, didn't he? Lars couldn't argue either, it  _ was  _ pathetic.

 “Nothing, nothing! It's really good! I like it! But,  _ Lars… _ you never told me you had a crush!” Lars felt his face heat up like it caught fire and immediately regretted letting Mathias see his journal, because now he  _ knew. _ He could never face him again!

 “Uh… no?” He said weakly. “It's just poetry. All poetry’s romantic,” he said, trying to dismiss what Mathias said.

 “Hey, you don't gotta hide it from me, I'm your friend! So, who's the lucky one? Anyone I know and could be your wingman?” Lars blinked in surprise. Was he  _ really _ that oblivious? How in the hell did he not realize?

 “I'm too sober to tell,” he replied with a shrug.

 “That could be fixed very easily,” Mathias said with a smile. He shook his head.

 “Nah, I'm still a bit hungover from last night.”

 “Fair enough,” Mathias shrugged while standing. “Well, I'm gonna start getting my shit together for class.” He walked off, still smiling at Lars. Lars sighed out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding in once Mathias left. He looked down at the journal in his hands, considering what to do now. Mathias knew he had a crush, but not on who. He was safe, but only just for now. He pulled his phone out and sent a quick text, deciding he needed advice.

 

“So, what's going on, now?”  Amri, his sister, said while sitting on the couch after coming in. Mathias had left for his class a few minutes before Amri arrived, so Lars was able to speak freely.

 “He knows now, I think,” Lars said after getting something for each of them to drink.

 “Oh, you told Mathias! How was it? What did he say?” She asked excitedly. Lars sighed.

 “I didn't… he read my journal--after I let him, of course-- but I don't think he realizes any of that's about him.” She scoffed.

 “How can he not? With the way you look at him, it's impossible. I'm surprised you two haven't gotten to anything when either of you are drunk.”

 “Actually…” He trailed on.

 “ _ No, _ ” She gasped. “You really…? How could he still not know? Was he  _ really _ drunk? Were you?” Lars chuckled.

 “We both were, but I guess I wasn't too much to forget.” Amri nodded.

 “I'm not surprised, you've always had a bit higher of a tolerance than him… Who does he think all that sappy love poetry is about, then?”

 “I told him I wasn't drunk enough to say, so that bought some time. For now, at least.”

 “Well, you need to tell him,” she said before taking a sip from her water glass.

 “I know. I think I have an idea how to, but I don't know if it's too much, or if it'll take too long.”

 “What is it?”

 “Well…” he started, grabbing his journal. “He seemed to like my writing decent enough, so I was thinking of making a whole journal for him. Something that he could hold onto, you know? Something he could have with sentimental value…” He added, thinking back to last night. Amri smiled, going through her purse, pulling out another small moleskine.

 “I think it's a great idea! I found this out shopping the other day, and thought you might like it when your other one gets full. But I guess now you can use it for Mathias.” Lars took the notebook gently, his hand running over the cover where a small patch of stars was embossed in the center.

 “Thank you, it's really nice. Do you think he'll like it?”

 “Of course he will! Is that even a question? He liked the other stuff you wrote, right?” He nodded.

 “He said it was really good, but he was also saying he didn't know I had a crush.” Amri scoffed.

 “ _ How? _ Sometimes he makes me wonder…”

 “About what?”

 “What he could possibly have going for him, even as just a friend. But, it's not my position to tell you who to like or be friends with.” He nodded.

 “What about you? Anything new?” Amri smiled.

 “Not really.” Lars raised his eyebrow.

 “Nothing? Not even anything about the diner?” The diner he was referencing to was a diner that Amri was a waitress at. Unlike Lars, when she graduated a year after him from high school, she decided to do college online while working a full-time job. Last time he spoke with her, she was going on about some of her regular customers, one especially. There was one girl she mentioned specifically, who came almost daily, that she seemed to like. Amri playfully shoved him.

 “No. Liz and I are doing just fine.” He looked over.

 “Liz?”

 “Yeah! Liz… she's the one I told you about last time I came over.” Lars nodded with a smile.

 “So, you told her?” Amri nodded.

 “Yeah, just like you should tell Mathias, because he's obviously not good at taking any hints.” Lars chuckled

 “Alright, alright. I get it.”

 “Especially now that you two have… had relations,” she mused.

 “I know. I still don't know how to go about that. I remember, but I don't know if he does. I've been pretending I don't for now, and hoping he actually doesn't.”

 “Why don't you want him to remember?” Lars shrugged. As far back as he could think, he always felt the need to hide around Mathias. Like he had some disease he didn't want to spread. What he was worried about most though was if Mathias didn't like him back.

 “I dunno. I guess I'm just worried he won't like me back.” Amri scoffed, patting his shoulder while standing.

 “You two will sort this out, I’m sure. I gotta get back to work before the dinner rush.” Lars nodded, walking with Amri out to her car.

 “No problem. I'll make sure to stop by soon for a coffee,” he said with a smile.

 “And if everything goes right, a date with Mathias!” She added, hugging Lars once they reached where she parked. He waved as she pulled out and drove off before walking back inside to his dorm. He held the notebook she brought, thumbs going over the stars in the center. He flipped it open to the middle after taking a band off the edge and looked at the smooth paper. The more he looked at the notebook, the more sure he felt in his idea. He wouldn't have any problems filling the journal (he actually started right there, with the middle pages), but giving it to Mathias would be a whole other story. And so, Lars decided, thinking back to what he said before, he would join Mathias’ game. His game of love.

 

“Hey, Lars! I brought dinner!” Mathias shouted while entering their dorm a couple hours later. Lars hadn't moved from his spot on the couch, scribbling furiously in his new journal. He closed the moleskine and set it aside while making room for Mathias on the couch.

 “What did you bring?” Mathias grinned while plopping next to him.

 “The ultimate-- pizza!” He set a couple boxes on the small coffee table in front of them and opened the top one for them to grab from. Lars grabbed a slice eagerly and started eating.

 “Where’d you get the pizza from?”

 “Astronomy,” Mathias replied between bites. “They had a club meeting tonight after class, but I figured with how many they bought, they wouldn't notice a couple missing.” Lars nodded.

 “It's good pizza, and thank god for that.” Mathias nodded in agreement.

 “Y’ do anything while I was out?” Lars shrugged.

 “Amri came by, so we talked for a while. She says hi, by the way.” Mathias smiled.

 “How is she doing?” 

 “Good. She's got a girlfriend.”

 “Really? Anyone I know?” Lars shook his head.

 “I don't think so, she's one of her regulars from when commuters stop off for coffee.” Mathias nodded.

 “We should go by sometime, we haven't in awhile. Besides, we might get to meet her girlfriend!” Lars nodded in agreement.

 “Yeah, she did say she wanted to see us there sometime soon. How about after midterms?” Mathias nodded.

 “I'm cool with that, it'd be a good way to recover from cramming and stress.”

 “Cool,” Lars said while reaching over for another slice. Mathias leaned over and rested against his side when he moved back.

 “Hey, Lars?” Mathias said after a few moments of silence.

 “Yeah?”

 “You’d… You'd tell me if something was wrong, right? Like, if you were going through something that you maybe needed to talk about?” What was that about? Lars looked down at Mathias, trying to ignore the look he gave him, the same one he kept having of worry.

 “Where's that coming from?” Lars asked, equally concerned for his friend. Mathias shrugged.

 “‘Dunno. Just thinking, I guess.” Lars nodded.

 “Well, I'd tell you if something was going on. You're my best friend.” Mathias smiled up at him weakly.

 “And you're mine.” Mathias stood up after that, saying he was tired and going to bed early. Lars nodded, staying up late and starting to fill the journal for Mathias. At this point, it was all he could do to distract himself from his worry and the memories. It was his solace, spinning the feelings into words that would tell a story of how he felt, and be something Mathias could hold.

 

Lars woke up late, thankful he didn't have classes on Tuesdays. Mathias had left already for his class, since his started early. After getting some cold pizza for breakfast (if he could even call his meal that, since it was almost noon), Lars studied for his midterms that were at the end of the week before getting distracted and writing in his journal. His thoughts wandered even doing that though, back to last night. Mathias really had him worried now. He was acting so strange now, being more affectionate than usual, and what was with what he asked? Why would he doubt that Lars would tell him if something was wrong? Was something wrong? Thinking back on it now, he couldn't help but notice the way Mathias seemed crestfallen when he said he was his friend. That's what he wanted, right? Lars groaned. He didn't even know any more, everything felt like a big mess. He looked down at his journal, not even noticing the words that had just poured out of him while he thought. As he read through them though, he approved of the poetry and set the journal aside. Mathias would be back soon, which meant he had to go to the cafeteria to get lunch for the both of them.

 

“Hey, Lars! Wait up!” Lars heard shouting as he walked back to his dorm from the cafeteria. He turned and saw Mathias running after him. He slowed down to let Mathias catch up with him.

 “How was class?” Lars asked while Mathias walked in step with him.

 “It was class,” he said with a smile. “It can't be  _ that  _ good. But, I guess it was better than it could've been.”

 “That's good. Anything interesting happen?” Lars asked. Mathias smiled and eagerly went on about his day, how he had passed a review quiz without studying, the person in front of him had borrowed a pencil despite having one already so he could use them as drumsticks (“one of the perks of the back of a lecture hall is getting away with weird shit!” Mathias had commented), and anything else he could think of. Lars always enjoyed watching Mathias talk, because whenever he got excited about something he would always be so expressive. At that moment as they entered their dorm, Mathias was talking about a project that was review in his literature class. 

 “It was like no one else read the book!” He exclaimed while sitting on the couch. “Which is a shame too, it's a great book!” 

 “What's it about, again?” Lars asked. He had heard Mathias talk about it a million times, but he'd listen to him a million more just to see him so eager. He watched Mathias’ every move, admiring the light of passion in his eyes, to try and memorize it to write about later. He snapped out of his reverie when he heard Mathias laughing.

 “What?” Mathias smiled over at him, still giggling, but not as much.

 “You. I've told you about this book a thousands times!” Lars shrugged.

 “Well, I forget stuff sometimes.” Mathias handed him a book-- the one he was just talking about-- while smiling.

 “Well, then, here-- read it for yourself. Careful, though. It's kinda falling apart.” Lars carefully grabbed the book, keeping it close to him. The binding on the spine felt loose, and the cover had been creased quite a few times. Despite all the wear though, Lars could just  _ feel _ the care for this small paperback Mathias had.

 “Thanks. I'll make sure not to hold on to it too long.” Mathias scoffed.

 “Keep it as long as you like. I just hope none of my notes in it get in the way,” he chuckled. “I got a ton of notes in there from class, and just some other things jotted down. If it blocks any of the actual book, let me know.” Lars nodded.

 “Thanks.” He gently set the book aside before putting the food he got from the cafeteria on the small table in front of them.

 “You do anything exciting today?” Mathias asked after a few moments. Lars shrugged.

 “Not really. I slept in, got some writing done. Nothing too big.” Mathias looked over.

 “Oh yeah? Anything like your other stuff?” He asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

 “No!” Lars replied defensively. “Well, maybe. I started another journal. I'm thinking about giving it to him.” He felt nervous mentioning his plans to Mathias, but if he was  _ really  _ that oblivious, Mathias wouldn't catch on, right?

 “Ooh, I wanna be there when you do! I wanna meet your crush! And besides, I can be your wingman!” Lars shrugged. Mathias sure was in for a surprise, he thought.

 “I don't see the harm in it. It might be a bit of a surprise though, to you.”

 “Really? So, is it someone I know?” Mathias gasped. “Is it that one guy?! Oh, I forget his name… He's Alfred’s brother though.”

 “Matthew? No, not him.”

 “Was I close though? Is it someone I know?” Lars chuckled.

 “Yeah, you were close. You definitely know him.”

 “Aha!” Mathias said excitedly. “It's his friend, Arthur! I haven't talked to him much, but he seems alright.”

 “I thought him and Alfred were dating? And besides, it's not him either.” Mathias groaned.

 “So, you give up?” Lars asked. Mathias nodded.

 “I can't think of anyone else it might be. Does he know you like them, so I can ask?” Lars shook his head.

 “No. In fact he's completely oblivious,” he said exasperatedly.

 “That's rough,” Mathias replied. “When do you plan on giving him that journal?” Lars shrugged.

 “Probably in a couple days. I filled it up pretty quickly.” Mathias nodded, brows knit in thought.

 “I wanna be there when you give it to him. Make sure he's deserving of something so special--  _ someone _ so special, y’know?” Mathias said, surprisingly serious.

 “What are you gonna do, quiz the guy? Glare him down?” Mathias chuckled.

 “Whatever it takes. You're my best friend, Lars. I don't wanna see you get hurt because some guy was stupid enough to reject you.”

 “Oh. Well, thanks. That means a lot to me. I'd do the same for you, too,” Lars replied sheepishly. Mathias grinned.

 “Aw, you don't have to get all shy on me! I'm just doing what anyone would do for someone they cared about! I know you would for me too.” Lars nodded, smiling faintly at Mathias, who had scooted his way on the couch to being right next to him.

 “I'm not getting shy, I'm just being grateful for having such an amazing friend.” Mathias smiled back.

 “Hey, wanna put a movie on?” Mathias asked while grabbing his laptop from his bag nearby.

 “Don't you have a test or something in a couple days?”

 “Yeah, so?”

 “So, I think you should be studying.” Lars crossed his arms. “Not watching movies.”

 “I'll play one of your favorites,” Mathias said, already opening Netflix. He hit play before setting his laptop on the table. Lars sighed.

 “Okay, fine.” Mathias smiled before curling up closer to Lars and resting against his chest. After the movie had finished, Lars looked over to see Mathias fast asleep. He sighed and closed his laptop, cautiously running his fingers through the other’s messy hair with a soft smile. He carefully reached over and grabbed the book Mathias gave him earlier. He turned it over in his hands and flipped through the pages, most being filled in any blank spaces with Mathias’ messy chicken scratch writing. He chuckled and turned to the front and started reading, keeping one hand on Mathias’ head while he snored softly.

 

Lars didn't know how long he was reading. It must've been a while though, because the sun had moving from shedding light in through the window to sitting low and dim. He looked down when he felt Mathias move, reaching over to turn a nearby lamp on. He looked down to see Mathias smiling at him while nestling himself back against his chest.

 “How long have you been awake?” Mathias shrugged.

 “A while. I didn't wanna say anything cause you looked really into it. What part are you at?” He situated himself against Lars to be between him in and the book, both of them able to see the text.

 “Chapter seven. I'm about halfway done.”

 “Ooh, I love this part! Read it to me?” He asked, sitting up against Lars’ chest to see the book.

 “You can read along, you know. You can see it.”

 “Yeah, but I want you to read it to me. Please?” He looked at Lars with a damn good set of puppy eyes. Lars sighed.

 “Alright. I'll go back to the start of the chapter.” He flipped back a couple pages and started reading aloud. Occasionally he would glance over at Mathias, who seemed so engrossed and amazed while smiling back at Lars. He didn't think he was doing  _ that _ good, it had been years since he had read to someone else, when Amri was still little. But if Mathias was happy, he was completely okay with continuing. He looked over again when he had made it a few chapters to see Mathias fast asleep while clinging to Lars. Lars chuckled and put the book down gently before sliding out from under Mathias without stirring him. He picked him up and carried him to his bed. He set him down and carefully undressed him, his face going red when he saw so many faded bruises across his chest, collar bones, almost all over. Lars had done that, hadn't he? Oh, god, how did Mathias not remember!? He was covered in reminders! What if he did remember, and was just acting like he didn't, like Lars was? Lars finished before practically running away, stopped when he felt a pull on his arm. Mathias wasn't facing him, but had grabbed his wrist. He sounded like he was still asleep, so Lars could pretend this didn't happen and keep going after wrenching himself free. So why didn't he? He walked backed and took his jeans off before sliding next to Mathias in his bed cautiously. Mathias smiled before snuggling close to Lars, pressing a soft kiss to his temple. Lars lied besides him, completely bewildered. What was even going on anymore?

 

Lars woke up the next morning late, curled up against Mathias’ chest still. He moved closer, silently thanking god that both he and Mathias didn't have classes until later in the afternoon. He looked up when he heard Mathias laugh softly.

 “Good morning.” Lars smiled softly.

 “‘Morning,” he replied with a yawn.

 “You sleep alright?” Lars nodded in response.

 “How about you?”

 “Yeah… Thanks. I didn't think you would stay last night.” Mathias said.

 “You were awake?” Mathias nodded.

 “Uh-huh. Wanna get breakfast, or something? We don't have to be anywhere for a while, and I got paid the other day for helping out with the astronomy club.” Lars nodded while sitting up.

 “Yeah, that sounds good. Where were you thinking?” Mathias shrugged.

 “Wanna go visit Amri?” He sat up besides Lars.

 “Sure. We should probably wait a bit though so she's not too busy.” Mathias nodded while pulling the covers off them.

 “I'm good with that.” Lars grumbled while pulling the covers back.

 “Hey, give some kind of warning before you do that, will ya?” Mathias laughed.

 “Sorry! I didn't mean to make you freeze.” Lars glared playfully at him.

 “ _ Sure _ you didn't.” He rolled over on his side. “Wake me up again later.” He closed his eyes and curled up under the covers when he heard Mathias walk away, almost asleep after a few moments already. He jumped in surprise when he felt something grab his feet and start pulling.

 “Okay! It's been a few minutes!” Mathias shouted while laughing. Lars grabbed tightly on to the bed, trying to fight being pulled away.

 “Mathias! I'll kill you for this, let me go!”

 “No you won't!” Mathias responded while pulling harder, making Lars lose his grip. Mathias pulled until Lars was off the bed completely and scrambling to his feet.

 “ _ Mathias! _ What the hell!?” He started running after Mathias, who had taken off while laughing uncontrollably.

 “You said to wake you up!”

 “Not like that!” Lars said while tackling him.

 “Okay, okay. I'm sorry.” Mathias finally said while smiling up at Lars. Lars moved off him quickly, feeling the urge to kiss him rise and wanting to fight it. He didn't need a repeat of the other night, but sober. That would give him away for sure.

 “Don't do that again, that was screwed up,” he said while laughing softly.

 “Aw, but it was funny! Even you're laughing!” Mathias pouted. Lars playfully shoved him.

 “Go get ready for breakfast,” he walked off to his room, still smiling to himself. After getting dressed, he grabbed the small journal he spent the past few days filling. He told Mathias he would give it to his crush in a couple of days, but he decided he was going to surprise him. Especially with how Mathias was acting the past couple days, he felt as if he was found out, so maybe he shouldn't hide anymore. He flipped through some of the pages before pocketing the journal and sitting on the couch while waiting for Mathias to finish getting ready.

 

The diner wasn't crowded thankfully when they arrived. They picked a booth near the back and seated themselves, waving to Amri and waiting for her to finish what she was doing before she came over to their table.

 “Hey Amri!” Mathias greeted. Amri smiled, looking over at Lars, who subtly shook his head.

 “Hey! Long time no see, how are you?”

 “Pretty good! How about you? Lars says you have a girlfriend now, that's cool! Is she here?” 

 “She just left, actually,” Amri replied.

 “Damn, I really wanted to meet her,” Lars said. Amri scoffed.

 “You'd ask her so many questions she'd be scared.”

 “Yeah, but that's because I wanna make sure she's the right one for you!” He said defensively. “Besides, I wouldn't scare her.” Amri rolled her eyes while filling the mugs set by each of them on the table with fresh coffee.

 “ _ Right _ , sure you wouldn't. Well, you can put that to the test soon enough.” She walked back to put the pot of coffee down and grab a notepad to write their orders down.

 “What did she mean by that?” Lars asked. Mathias shrugged.

 “Maybe she's coming back in soon?” Lars nodded, taking a sip from his coffee.

 “Hey, I've been meaning to ask you, but what's going on?” Mathias asked. Lars swallowed his coffee hard before looking up nervously.

 “What do you mean?” Mathias shrugged.

 “You space out a lot now, like you're thinking too much. Is something wrong?” Lars shook his head quickly.

 “No, nothing’s wrong. Just… I'm a little nervous, I guess,” he chuckled. “About talking to my crush. I think he might like me too, but what if I went through all this trouble to read the situation wrong and he doesn't?” Mathias smiled.

 “Hey, you got this! I've got faith in you, you're gonna blow him away. I just know it,” his smile weakened while he took a sip of his coffee. Lars nodded, smiling back.

 “Thanks. I really hope I do.” Amri came back and took their orders, leaving the two of them to chat while their food was made. After eating, they started to argue about who was going to pay.

 “It was my idea, I think it's fair that I should,” Mathias said chuckling. “Besides, I just got paid. Let me, Lars.” Lars shook his head.

 “Not a chance in hell, this is on me.” Mathias smiled mischievously.

 “I'll race you, then. If you can beat me to the counter, you can pay.” Lars smiled back.

 “Alright, that sounds fair.” The two scrambled out of the booth and took off for the other side of the diner where the counter was. Lars was leading for most of the way, until Mathias tripped him and sped past.

 “Mathias! That's cheating!” He said while running after him, already being beat. Mathias chuckled while the girl at the counter ran his card.

 “Hey, it's not a big diner. You gotta keep your guard up, ‘cause you could lose faster than you could win.” Lars rolled his eyes while smiling, pulling the journal out of his pocket. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he handed it off.

 “Here, hold this real quick. I'm gonna go say bye to Amri.” Mathias smiled and nodded.

 “Alright, I'll be outside!” Lars walked back to the kitchen and found his sister getting some drinks for another table ready.

 “You didn't tell him yet,” she stated matter-of-factly.

 “No, but…” he sighed. “I just gave him the journal. I didn't say it was for him yet, but he has it.” He smiled nervously while Amri squealed.

 “Finally! That's good!”

 “Yeah. I think I can see him flipping through it right now,” he said as they both glanced outside the large window at the front.

 “He's definitely reading it. What are you doing, standing around here for? Go talk to him! Go!” She said while practically pushing him out the door into Mathias.

 “Okay, see you later!” He shouted as she shut the door and waved. Mathias chuckled, closing the journal quickly to hide he wasn't reading it.

 “She seemed to want you out of there real quick. D’you do something?” Lars nodded, glaring towards Amri, who was watching from behind the counter and giving him a thumbs up.

 “Yeah, I suppose. You ready to go?”

 “Yeah. Oh, here! Your journal!” Mathias said while handing it back. Lars laughed nervously while shaking his head.

 “No, that's--that's yours. I made it for you.” Mathias’ eyes widened while gripping the journal and flipping through the pages.

 “Really? Wow, I-- thanks! This is cool! So did you make one for me and one for your…” he trailed on while staring in shock at Lars. Lars smiled nervously and nodded. “...Oh,  _ shit. _ I'm the crush,” Mathias went pale while holding the journal, a huge smile spreading across his face while laughing.

 “So, do you… Do you like me too?” Lars asked. Mathias seemed not to hear his question and started rambling.

 “Oh, thank god! Man, this whole time, I thought you liked someone else! I figured what happened the other night was ‘cause we were drunk and you didn't actually care and just… oh, my god!” Mathias continued giggling while covering his face-splitting grin with his hands. Lars smiled along.

 “So, that's a yes? You do like me?” Mathias slowly stopped giggling and smiled at Lars.

 “Uh,  _ yes _ ! I just spilled, like, my entire feelings for you, and you still gotta ask?”

 “I was just double-checking!” Lars said defensively. Mathias smiled, looking over in the diner.

 “I think your sister’s gonna explode if we don't kiss or something,” he said while chuckling. Lars looked over and saw Amri jumping and smiling, giving both of them thumbs-up before making her hands into a heart. Lars laughed slightly before turning back to Mathias.

 “Well then, let's give everyone what they’ve been waiting for.” He leaned in close and pressed a soft kiss to Mathias’ lips. They both smiled and waved to Amri through the window before making their way back to their dorm, hand-in-hand.

**Author's Note:**

> wOWEE that ended up being longer than the other ones. But eh it's a good one, right? This one and the florist au are probably my favorites. I'm just such a sucker for college aus. Highschool ones are good too, though. Just school aus in general, they're so fun to write and as someone in school but also antisocial it's funny to me how they're relatable but not at the same time for highschool ones lol.


End file.
